just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
