Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
