Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
