My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize