Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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