my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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