Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
