I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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