Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
farters have to be the big spoon...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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