dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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