Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
