I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
