9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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