She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
