Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
