you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
