Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
