you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
