ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
