God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
