I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
