why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
