I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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