im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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