i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
