I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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