OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
