Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize