I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
birth control should be required to get into college
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize