I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
