He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize