I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
