I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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