doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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