It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm too high and old for this...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
