my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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