Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
