Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
