Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
