What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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