Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
