my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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