You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
