walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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