I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
