Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
