This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
