Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
