If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
