I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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