As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
