first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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