I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
