can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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