do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
