it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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