He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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