So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
