so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
