omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
