i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize