Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
