i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
